not bad today, watched films and stuff that took my mind of it, and trying to negotiate with my Ocd by saying this is the only way ill do it( a way that'll take less time) and that if my brains not happy then ill stop doing it all together, not sure if it'll work but i hope it does, every day i fell like my life is never goona be good worried today about how ill get a job as i have this illness that makes me sweat when i get nervous or if i walk to far , i tried going healthy as i thought this was my health and took up the excercise and body building for 3months, then as it wasnt getting better went to my doctors 2 months after i stopped my excercises, and had a blood test and the doctor told me he'll call me if he finds anything but if the blood comes back as normal then he wont call, so i waited 2weeks then i had another appointment to get my dressings redone with the same doctor and so i asked him if he found anything, and he said " for a boy who doesnt excersice my blood is really healthy" ( ok so thats good news but not the news i was hoping for, i was actually hoping for there to be and irreguality with my blood and offer me some treatment) any other human-being wouldve jumped up at the news but not me, when he said that my heart dropped down as if to tell me this is another thing ill be living with for the rest of my life, so i went home and since that day ive been eating health, and and exersising but still this has plaged me since i was 11yrs old.
now i have to accept this as a part of who i am.
thanks for reading but thats all for today..
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