So what have i got to say now? well i want to live my life normally but cant, when i wake up in the morning i look forward to the day until i realise i have a Ocd and that ill have to do it all day, and then thats when the depression kicks in, then i stop caring about the day, dont want to live my life like this and dont want to tell any one, dont know why, i have so many problems and i dont want my mum, who worries alot about me, to have this on her mind, and then the word will spread and then people will tell me how its a evil spirit making me do this, then i just think if a evil spirit has so much power then why doesnt It make me do something that'll hurt people or grant me long access to the hell doors, instead of making me do this,so thats apart of the reason i dont want to tell any one, bored with life.... spoke to my friends and had nothing to say except listen to them begging me to come back to school, and to go out with them, even my "Crush" hasnt spoken to me, i know she likes me its just that she's a good person that'll be really hard to win back, but i dont want to worry her about my messed up life, she asks about me and my friends tell her about me, and then she asks to come and visit but i just tell them to tell her my parents would freak out, so then my friends say they can hear her heart breaking, but still she'd be better of without me ?
im trying to do the right thing for once, even though it breaks my heart and i dream and think of her all day, but i dont want to mess her up.
this morning wasnt so bad i tried a new way which my brain doesnt approve of but i still did it and it wasnt soo bad, i hope it gets better, i think thats all for today, ill keep you all updated, thanks for reading.
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